Weight Watchers

August 16, 2016

Me: Dammmn, that was good, baby!

Weight Watchers: Was it now?

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Me: Yes, lawd!

WW:

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Me: Top ten!

WW: Ten!?

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Me: Fih…  Hmm…  Definitely top three!

WW: Really!?

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WW: You happy?

Me: Am I!?

WW:

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Me: Seconds?

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WW: LOL.  Can’t.  You know we both got a lot of work to do today.

Me: But… I’m a big boy.  You know I need more than dat!

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WW: Awww!  Baeeee, you are too cute but nawl.  YOU, my love, gotta learn portion control.

Me:

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WW: LOL, don’t be like that and pick ya face up.  That ain’t cute haha.

WW: (Goes to wash up).

Me: (Raspy) Hello?

Phone: Jefe?

Me: What up, P?

Phone: What you doin?

Me: Why?

Phone: Cause I’m tryna figure out why you giving me that phone sex voice!

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Me:

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Phone: You tryna catch a case?  I WOULD sue for sexual harassment, but I need this job – NOT dee pro’lems.

Me: 😤

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Me: P – wha chu’wan?

Phone: Rudddddeeee-duh!  An-ne-way, Vin-ci-ENT!  She messaging you again.

Me: She?

Phone: You got company or summ?  Cause…

Me: Wha?

Phone: Like, why you whispering?  I betta not be on speaker phone!

Me: Who are the messages from, P!?  Who is SHE?  Why you call me?

Phone: Oh, right – Cocoa.

Me: Oh, Word?

stevie-j

Phone: Want me to read them outloud?

Me: Hell nawl!

Phone: I swear, you gotta be with somebody.

Me:

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Me: P, not right now!

Phone: Oohhh!  Oohh!  Who is it?  You gotta tell me!

Me:

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Phone: Please?  On soul, on everything I luh, I promise, I won’t say an-ny-thing.  I swear!

Me:

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Me: DAMN IT, P!

WW: Huh!  You say summ, bae?

Me: Nah.  Just changing channels.

WW: Okay, I’m finna get in the shower.

Me: I’ll be in there in a minute.

WW:

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Me:

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Phone: Ahhh, I get it. Ha-ha-ha!  You at Dub’s.  Play on playa!

Me:

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Me: Just show me the message, please.

Phone: And you’d THINK you’d be in a better mood after getting it in…

Me: P!

Phone: Oh, here she go now.  Want me to put her through?

Me:

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Phone: Just be careful, okay?

Me: Why you say dat?

Phone: Cause like, you been doing so good lately and I just don’t wanna see you slip up again.

Me: I’ll be straight.  Y’ain got nun to worry bout.

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Phone: Hmph!

Me: On everythang, dou!

Me/Phone:

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Phone: Aight… Well, here she go…

Cocoa: Heyyyy Huuuuee-Ey!

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Me:

10-1370472146

To be continued…

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Author: Vincient Booker

Vincient Booker is a based in Arlington, VA. Vincient is a poet, novelist and playwright. His work focuses on sex, dating, and relationships. He is currently writing his first novel, Burning Dim.

2 thoughts on “Weight Watchers”

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